Last night I couldn’t sleep. I was too excited about the release of Titanic: Legacy of Betrayal. By the time the sun rose my book would be out there in the world, available for anyone to read.
Last night there was only joy. I’d spent the day with HIS songs playing in my heart. As Kathy and I finalized things, the song was “Standing on the Promises.” It wasn’t a song of determination–“I’m going to stand on these promises and do this thing.” It was more like my Lord reminded me that I’d stood upon His promises for years. Now I would taste experience the promises I’d held onto.
Later, as I laid in bed trying to sleep, the music serenaded me to the tune of “To God be the Glory.”
Still awake after one a.m., I climbed out of bed and pulled out my journal. Jesus and I talked about the day. I thanked Him for His gifts; He reminded me of how He wove my journey together.
Then I simply bask in His love. I felt His pleasure in the moment, His joy in what we’d accomplished together. My day was incomplete until He and I had alone time and shared the milestone, enjoying it together.
I flipped through my journal, glancing at past struggles and promises. One jumped out at me. In part because I’ve been posting this series on boxes. Several weeks back I’d prayed I’d be willing to follow him in out of the box living, doing whatever He asked.
At the time it was a general prayer, trusting Him to shape me in His image, out of the box from others’ expectations. But last night the prayer took on new meaning: My out-of-the box plunge into publishing. Kathy Kovach and I did something brave, something I never planned to do, when we grabbed our idea and ran with it despite the fact there wasn’t time for traditional publishing. We stepped out of the safety zone of someone else being ultimately responsible for the production of a book, and dug in.
Today that fruit of our labor hits big, wide world. I love our story. I believe in our book. Weeks and weeks of hard work, surprises, stepping out of our comfort zone, praying, and trusting culminates this day.
I got out of bed and rushed to the office I share with my husband. He grinned at me, pulled out his cell and showed me our book. He’d purchased it while I slept and sported it right there on his smart phone.
Then we browsed the computer, and there it was.
I expected exultant joy. Suddenly, despite my love for the story, my confidence in the book, what I felt was raw fear. Never before have those beyond my safe little circle read my fiction work. Never before have I put this much time into writing something and then glibly handed it off for anyone to read.
I hear this is a normal reaction for first time novel publication. But I don’t like it.
And so I sit here, typing, asking my Lord to help me have the courage to post the links to my book. And I hear again this morning, “Standing, standing. Standing on the promises of God my Savior. Standing. Standing. I’m standing on the promises of God.”
I hear again the whisper of His heart last night when I felt His delight in what we’d accomplished, his joy in my joy. His pleasure in my courage.
And I choose again to believe I’m following my LORD, stepping out of another box, doing something new and a little scary, but absolutely wonderful.
And I hit the post button.
